It wasn’t long before I got really jaded.

Tour can make you extremely homesick and miss all the little things. Yes, the obvious stuff like your bed, family, and friends… But it’s also the things you take for granted which are now out of reach.

I got used to showering in public places, like the venue’s locker rooms– usually with ice cold water, since you were the millionth person in line. One time at a truck stop, a hooker and some nasty dude stepped out of the shower right before my turn… yeah, I skipped out on that one.

Laundry wasn’t an option, so I had to keep buying socks and underwear to stay sane. Buying stuff was a luxury in itself– I was either stuck at the venue or on the bus, so the few chances to get things from the real world were precious. Wal-Mart’s a shiny sign of civilization when you’re driving in the middle of fucking nowhere.

Besides the day-to-day grind, I just wasn’t happy with being on tour. The idea of DJing on a national festival, traveling the country, and promoting a female-positive label had seemed like a golden opportunity– a great way to break out as an artist while exposing a different crowd to electronic music…

Instead, I was more like a sideshow. I played all day (often missing lunch) before and after bands’ sets. On the Warped Tour, people wanna see guitars destroyed and singers bleeding from thrashing microphones– not some DJ with a pair of headphones.

Oh, and those turntables that I’d requested? What about those CDJ’s?

They were nowhere to be found. I was given a pair of Radio Shack CD decks and a semi-functioning mixer that looked like it was from a garage sale. A dual cassette deck might’ve had better pitch control…

The internet on our bus never worked, so I couldn’t download new music, and I never had time to anyway since I was setting up or breaking down the tent.

All of this burned me out REALLY quick.

Maybe it was boredom, or the physical/mental stress of touring, or the fact I was running away from all the pain and sadness in my life… most likely, it was all of the above.

Whatever it was, it made me self-destruct.

One night, after getting wasted on cheap beers in the parking lot, I found myself breaking the one rule that Jenna had enforced from the very first day…

I made out with her bass player. On the bus.

And right at that moment, she walked in the door.

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